Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Surviving this...


Let's be honest everyone says teachers should treat children equally and all but every teacher has a favorite child. One that they tend to gravitate towards, whether it's because they are smarter, or funnier, or more social, or in my case, more "messed up" than the other children. 
Today I found out my favorite child was moving schools. From the beginning his mom had been saying "she was going to get them out of here" and while everyone hoped it was true it was an "I’ll believe it when I see it" kind of thing. So today when I got a call from the office that she was here to get his things and he would not be returning my stomach dropped. I sat at the desk and watched the door hoping she wouldn't come. She instantly saw my face and gave me an "I’m sorry" kind of smile. 
As I helped pack up his things my eyes started to fill. To others this child was the "troubled child" who had behavior issues and didn't know what was going on. But when he was with me (and yes my teacher will be the first to say that I babied him) I got to see that smile, with two missing front teeth and breakfast crumbs on his face.
He would tell me stories (true or false I'm not sure) but it was clear that he had seen things that NO seven year old should know about. And his hugs, boy he gave the best hugs! He would come-in in the morning and wonder over to me and just stand there waiting for a hug. At recess he often stood by me rather than running around. I'm not sure if the other children picked up on it or not but every teacher knew that he was my favorite. 
After his mom had left I had to leave the room. Like a little kid I grabbed my phone and went to the teachers bathroom to call my mom in tears. While I want him to be safe and happy and all I knew that if/when he moved schools he would get named a "problem child" and would slip through the cracks. He was already very low but to be the new kid at school, trying to make friends, he is bound to only get more behind. I feel like I understood him more because we knew what was going on at home, so when he came in all pissed off and angry we knew it was because his dad was back in jail. How can another teacher give him what he needs not knowing what he has seen and gone through?
Now I know it's possible I’m being a little melodramatic, but it is so hard to see him go. He needs consistency in his life. He needs to be around people (teachers) who can make him see how smart he really is and help him excel. He needs to know that there are people looking out for him, who care what he has to say, and who genuinely want to help him. 

I am going to have to figure out how to do my job the very best I can and give the children everything that they need... with out being attached or I'll never survive this. It can't be that every time one of my children leaves I feel so heart broken like this. This sucks!

 “Teaching is like a love affair, if you don’t take it seriously it’s no fun and if you do take it seriously, it can break your heart”.

-A very sad Miss Hansen


4 comments:

  1. What a great inciteful saying! You are a genius or have a great mentor! Love reading your blog you're kinda like my kid you know!!!

    Bob

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  2. It's like what they say about the Peace Corps, Allie. The toughest job you'll ever love. And as one of my colleagues used to say "It's too hard a job not to love". So, now, it sounds like you are in it for the duration, and it will break your heart countless times, but I can tell you that in my 35 years of teaching, not one day did I ever wonder if I was making a difference in the world. And I know many, many people who do not feel that way about their jobs! It is good that you are doing this blog, it will be a wonderful thing to re-read years from now. I kept folders of notes from kids and parents, and when I was having a day when I wondered if I was being effective, I'd just grab a handful of those notes, and would be reminded why I was doing what I was doing. Now granted, our experiences couldn't be further removed from each other, me in a high-achieving, high socio-economic school, and you in the low-income urban school, but our souls are in the same place! Hang in there, you are in for a wonderful career! You are so caring and empathetic! Je t'aime!

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  3. Someone wise and fullll of wisdom gave me that quote :)

    I love to know you are reading this!

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  4. Your heart is what will make you a great teacher for many years to come.

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