Surviving this...

Let's be honest everyone says teachers should treat children equally and all but every teacher has a favorite child. One that they tend to gravitate towards, whether it's because they are smarter, or funnier, or more social, or in my case, more "messed up" than the other children. 

Today I found out my favorite child was moving schools. From the beginning his mom had been saying "she was going to get them out of here" and while everyone hoped it was true it was an "I’ll believe it when I see it" kind of thing. So today when I got a call from the office that she was here to get his things and he would not be returning my stomach dropped. I sat at the desk and watched the door hoping she wouldn't come. She instantly saw my face and gave me an "I’m sorry" kind of smile. 

As I helped pack up his things my eyes started to fill. To others this child was the "troubled child" who had behavior issues and didn't know what was going on. But when he was with me (and yes my teacher will be the first to say that I babied him) I got to see that smile, with two missing front teeth and breakfast crumbs on his face.

He would tell me stories (true or false I'm not sure) but it was clear that he had seen things that NO seven year old should know about. And his hugs, boy he gave the best hugs! He would come-in in the morning and wonder over to me and just stand there waiting for a hug. At recess he often stood by me rather than running around. I'm not sure if the other children picked up on it or not but every teacher knew that he was my favorite. 

After his mom had left I had to leave the room. Like a little kid I grabbed my phone and went to the teachers bathroom to call my mom in tears. While I want him to be safe and happy and all I knew that if/when he moved schools he would get named a "problem child" and would slip through the cracks. He was already very low but to be the new kid at school, trying to make friends, he is bound to only get more behind. I feel like I understood him more because we knew what was going on at home, so when he came in all pissed off and angry we knew it was because his dad was back in jail. How can another teacher give him what he needs not knowing what he has seen and gone through?

Now I know it's possible I’m being a little melodramatic, but it is so hard to see him go. He needs consistency in his life. He needs to be around people (teachers) who can make him see how smart he really is and help him excel. He needs to know that there are people looking out for him, who care what he has to say, and who genuinely want to help him. 

I am going to have to figure out how to do my job the very best I can and give the children everything that they need... with out being attached or I'll never survive this. It can't be that every time one of my children leaves I feel so heart broken like this. This sucks!

 “Teaching is like a love affair, if you don’t take it seriously it’s no fun and if you do take it seriously, it can break your heart”.

-A very sad Miss Hansen